Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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