I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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