we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
