you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
