I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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