Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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