I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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