She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
