you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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