I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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