What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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