he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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