she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Enjoy the penises
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
