Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
