I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
