Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
