I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
