im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize