If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
