I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
