then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
