After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
