Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
