I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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