yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
