3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
