You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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