i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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