So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my shit smells like andre
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
