We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
