found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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