What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
