Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize