I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dignity is for republicans.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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