she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
