the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize