I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
