Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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