It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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