It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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