Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize