Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
