I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
