U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
