Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
