I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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