found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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