He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
