Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
