Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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