Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize