Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
