Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
