Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
