I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
