Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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