How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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