I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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