walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
this beer tastes like vomit already
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
