I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
